


Your Self, Your Soul (In Pity Give Me All)

by seekrest



Series: Twelve Days of Terror: A Whumptober Collection [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Car Accidents, Hurt Peter Parker, Michelle Jones Needs a Hug, Mild Language, Miscommunication, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 18:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21061217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: “MJ, look out!”She turns back to the road, Peter taking a deep breath as a car in front of them drifts into their lane. She makes a sharp turn — too sharp — and Peter braces himself, sending out a hand to her.He hears screams. Glass crashing everywhere. The familiar loss of gravity, one he’s known from flying and falling through the city.Then his head hits something - hard - and Peter hears nothing.





	Your Self, Your Soul (In Pity Give Me All)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: Pinned Down / Unconscious 
> 
> This was originally a drabble, now expanded and made even angstier because whumptober

“We’re lost, MJ.”

“No, we’re not. It’s the next left.” Peter sighed, putting his feet back on the dashboard.

Michelle - annoyed, hot and having already told Peter three times to put his feet down - smacks his leg.

“Feet off the dash, Parker.” He gives her a look, rolling his eyes as he complies. Michelle can hear Peter huff, folding his arms as he turns to look away. 

Michelle knew Peter was right, that they’d been lost for the past twenty minutes trying to find the exit for the stupid amusement park they were hoping to go for. 

It’d been Peter’s idea, finding some creepy carnival on the internet that she knew he nor Ned would want to go to but that she would get a kick out of. Ned had chickened out at the last minute, claiming his sister’s confirmation was coming up even though Michelle knew damn well that she’d had one last year. 

But whatever, she didn’t want to fight about it. Spending time with Peter - _ just _ Peter - before they went off to college in the fall seemed like a good idea at the time. 

Michelle was off to Harvard, Peter staying in the city -- going to Columbia. She knew they’d have plenty of time to hang out during winter break, knew they’d only be four hours away if they really wanted to see each other. 

But if the drive to some shady carnival upstate was any indication, Michelle wondered if their relationship would even make it that far. 

* * *

It’s another thirty minutes before Michelle admits their lost. 

“I think I shouldn’t have made that last turn.” 

Peter’s silent, fuming. 

“Are you going to ignore me now?” 

She glances over in his direction, seeing as he seems to wrestle with himself before sighing. He gets his phone out of his pocket, and starts to scroll.

“Peter, are you serio---”

“I’m checking to see if I have service, MJ. Get the GPS working or something.” Peter’s tone throws her for a loop, if only because she didn’t expect Peter to be so agitated. 

They’d been trying to find the place for over an hour now, Michelle knew Peter had to be starving if her own hunger pains were any indication - but this was more than that. 

They’d gotten on each other’s nerves all day, starting from the moment that they’d argued about who was driving Michelle’s dad’s car. 

Peter had argued that since it was his idea in the first place, he should be the one to drive. Michelle, arguing that it was her father’s car, won. 

Then there’d been the fight about breakfast - namely where and when they should get some. Peter wanted donuts, Michelle wanted a sandwich. They settled for fast food that neither of them enjoyed. 

The fight about stopping for gas. The fight over the AC - fiddling with it so much that it eventually cramped out.

The fight over using the GPS, of Michelle insisting that she’d looked it up so she knew where she was going. Of Peter’s smart ass comments that Michelle hasn’t been upstate nearly as much as he had, which invariably set off an argument about Spider-Man.

It was a perfect storm really, some rational part of Michelle knowing that their petty arguments revolved more on the unresolved tension of Peter choosing Spider-Man and New York. 

He’d been accepted everywhere, yet seemed sure that Columbia was the right place for him - if only for the reason that it would keep him in the city. 

Michelle hadn’t liked that idea. Neither had Tony or May.

But Peter had been insistent, refusing to listen or see reason. 

Michelle wasn’t going to argue with him about it, so she’d dropped it. Let it go. 

At least she thought she had. 

* * *

Michelle pulled the car into the lonely gas station, having long given up the possibility of finding the carnival. Peter gets out the car without a word, heading straight for the attendant inside. She knows he’s likely just going in so he could pay for the gas, as well as to find some snacks to tide them over until they make it back into the city.

But the way he had slammed the car door, the abruptness of his exit and the simmering quiet between them had manifested into something more. 

Michelle is aggravated - with the situation, with herself. She taps the top of the car absentmindedly, waiting for Peter to return. He does, snacks in hand and a head nod to the pump.

“It’s paid for.” He opens the passenger door to put the snacks in, Michelle going to open the pump. Peter’s suddenly beside her, hand motioning for the gas pump.

“I got it, MJ.” She gives him a look.

“_ I _ got it, Parker. It’s my dad’s car, I know what I’m doing.” Peter sighs, the sound of it setting off Michelle further.

“What? You think I can’t pump the gas of my own dad’s car?” 

Peter grits his teeth, Michelle seeing the anger simmering underneath. 

“No, I didn’t say that.”

“But it’s what you’re implying. Just because we got lost doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“_ We _ didn’t get lost, MJ. _ You _ got us lost. If you’d just listened to me--”

“Oh here we go with this shit again.” Michelle throws her hands up, turning away from him.

“MJ, come on.” 

“No, Peter. I’m tired of this. You’ve been at my throat all day and for what?” She turns back to him, hand gesturing out to the open road. 

“We’re lost, alright? I get it, I fucked up. I don’t know how to get us around as well as I thought I did.” She takes a step forward, watching as Peter just looks right back at her. 

“I didn’t know how to get to the carnival. I didn’t know what temperature you liked. I didn’t know what you wanted for breakfast. I didn’t know--”

“What do you want me to say, MJ? You really going to go over the entire day again? I know how the day went, I’m not stupid.” 

“Yeah, you’re not stupid.” Michelle answers sarcastically, shaking her head. “But you know what?” She leans into his face, barely hiding the contempt in her voice. 

“You’re not nearly as smart as you think you are.” 

Peter’s eyes narrow, mouth twisting. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about, Parker. You think we’ve been fighting all day because of this stupid carnival?” Peter opens his mouth before closing it, Michelle watching as his mind seems to whir behind his eyes. 

“If heading out to the amusement park was that big of a deal, then---”

“I don’t give a _ fuck _ about the park, Peter. Are you really that much of a dumbass?” Michelle yells, fuming. Peter pinches the bridge of his nose, a sharp exhale.

“We’re not talking about this right now.”

“No,” Michelle shook her head, “We’re _ going _ to talk about this. You asked me to drop it and I did but this... “ She gestures to the car, to their surroundings, “Clearly, we’re not able to talk about anything anymore with this going on.”

Peter grinds his teeth, closing his eyes before he sighs, glancing back up to Michelle.

“I’m going to Columbia, MJ. It’s done. I already put in the deposit.” Michelle rolls her eyes.

“That’s not the point, Peter. I didn’t _ say _ that--” Peter throws his hands up, exasperated.

“That’s just it, MJ. You didn’t _ say _ anything. I _ thought _ you were okay with it, I _ thought _ that it didn’t matter where we went to college because we--” He gestures between the two of them, “Had already said that we’d go wherever we wanted to and would just… make it work.” Peter exhales, shaking his head.

“But as soon as I make it official, the _ minute _ it seems that I make Columbia the place I’m going, it’s like you, May and Mr. Stark go fucking nuts on me. Acting like I murdered someone.” Peter puts his hands on his hips, eyes downward as he scans the ground. 

Peter looks back up to Michelle, her arms folded across her chest. 

“You really don’t see it don’t you?” Peter rolls his eyes.

“See what, MJ?”

“This. _ You _ . Have you thought l, just once, to figure out _ why _ we’re all so hesitant about you staying here? About being in New York?” He stops, frowning as Michelle continues.

“Because you’re making your entire life, resting everything on Spider-Man. And I get it, Pete--” She puts a hand up, stopping him, “I get that Spider-Man is who you are but are you seriously going to choose a college, your _ future _, based on something that can literally wait? You have four years of college, Peter. Four years and then the rest of your life. You’re telling me you’re okay with limiting your choices just so that you can--”

“Columbia isn’t fucking community college, MJ!” Peter yells, taking a step forward. “It’s one of the best schools in the country.” 

“But it’s _ not _ the best school for you, Pete. You said it yourself, sophomore year that MIT was the only place you wanted to go.” Peter rolls his eyes again, scoffing.

“Yeah, well plans change.” 

“Oh yeah,” Michelle nods her head, feeling something catching in her throat. “Well how many of your plans are gonna change huh? Am I going to? Is ours?” 

Peter stops, frozen. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You heard me, Peter. Your plans seem to change all the time. Am I a part of that? Are you going to change your mind about me?”

Peter throws his head back, rolling his eyes. “Oh come on, MJ.”

“_ No _ , Peter. I don’t get you sometimes. You act as if everyone’s getting on your back for something and… for what? To stick around for a city that’s would be _ fine _ without you for a few years?” Michelle knows she messes up the minute she says it, the hurt on Peter’s face immediate before turning into anger.

“So you’re saying I’m replaceable.”

“I’m not saying--”

“And that you’re sick of me.” Peter laughs, though there’s no humor in it. “You’re doubting me? Really? Now? After all the _ shit _ we’ve been through?” 

Peter shakes his head, the hurt and anger readily apparent on his face before saying, “It’s like you’re saying you don’t want to even be with me.” 

“Do _ you _?” 

The question throws Peter, eyes widening.

“Are you serious?”

Michelle just bites her lip, eyes watching steadily Peter. 

He takes a step back.

“You are serious.”

Michelle just shakes her head, Peter baffled.

“I’m saying, I think you need to think about what you want, Peter. I think…” She takes in another shaky breath. “I think it’s better if we took---”

“If you say a break, I promise you MJ” He shakes his head, trailing off. But Michelle continues.

“I don’t know what we need. But this--” She gestures between the two of them, head shaking. “This isn’t working, Peter. You’re not _ talking _ to me. You’re not… you’re not _ listening. _” 

Peter shakes his head, a hand to his face as Michelle watches. It’s clear he’s wrestling with himself, running through countless arguments in his head.

They’d had fights before - loud, angry ones - but they’d always pushed through, always found some other way.

Michelle doesn’t know if it’s the heat, the exhaustion, the hunger, or what but for the first time in one of their fights - the first time that Michelle can even remember - Peter doesn’t push back.

He just sighs, a long and slow exhale before bringing his hand down out of his face. He looks to Michelle, her eyes watching as he fights back the tears in his own. 

“Fine.” Michelle just stares, heart breaking at the sight.

* * *

The silence in the car is stifling, Peter fuming in the front seat. He’s leaned away from her as far as he can be, knowing how ridiculous it was - but still feeling the hurt and anger wash over him.

_ How the hell could she think I’d change my mind about her? _ Peter think, eyes looking out to the nearly empty road.

A small voice tells him that she’s right, that he hadn’t been talking to her or anyone - hadn’t been really explaining what he was thinking.

But how could he? How could he explain it when it all seemed so stupid? 

Peter wanted just one thing - _ one thing _ \- in his life to stay like normal. MIT had seemed like a good idea before the world had seemingly vanished, before Peter himself had been dusted for five years.

Now, even with knowing that Michelle would be right there with him, that Ned had looking forward to being his roommate for years, Peter couldn’t bring himself to leave.

Columbia was a good school, Peter thinks he’d be happy there. But the idea of leaving - and of leaving Spider-Man behind - wasn’t something he could reconcile with himself.

Tony had said they could figure it out, find some reason explanation for Spider-Man suddenly making an appearance in Massachusetts but Peter knew better.

If he made the move to MIT and acted as Spider-Man, than any chance of a normal life was gone.

He couldn’t risk that - couldn’t risk being exposed - and yet the thought of _ not _ being Spider-Man filled him with an anxiety that he couldn’t explain, an urge to maintain some semblance of control in a life he increasingly felt like he had none.

May hadn't been nearly as thrilled as he had expected she would, seemingly seeing straight through his facade just as Michelle had. And Tony for his part, seemed concerned if a little guarded - knowing that Peter was on edge but not quite wanting to push him.

Peter absentmindedly fiddled with the watch he’d given him, a familiar feeling crawling in the back of his neck.

Michelle goes to turn on the radio as Peter sits up, Michelle glancing back at him.

“What, are my music choices too much for you now?”

“No, MJ that’s not…” Peter trails off, the itch growing stronger - louder as his eyes widened.

“What’s wrong?” 

He hears the anger in her voice dimmed, just before he sees it, watching out of the corner of his eye as Michelle’s looking back at him.

“MJ, look out!”

She turns back to the road, Peter taking a deep breath as a car in front of them drifts into their lane. She makes a sharp turn — too sharp — and Peter braces himself, sending out a hand to her.

He hears screams. Glass crashing everywhere. The familiar loss of gravity, one he’s known from flying and falling through the city. 

Then his head hits something - hard - and Peter hears nothing.

* * *

Peter gasps, wheezing as he comes to. He blinks a few times, feeling something pressing on his chest as his vision comes back into focus. He sees it, some part - something that’s flew through the window - sinking into his gut, Peter feeling the wetness in the back of his throat. 

It hurts to breathe, even if he feels like he can’t take a full breath - glad on some level that he was still sitting upright. 

Peter glances over to Michelle, panicking at seeing her slumped over against the steering wheel. 

Unmoving.

“MJ?” Peter wheezes, reaching a hand towards her only to see that it’s bloody, Peter’s head swimming. He lets his head fall back, the pain blinding anything else as he closes his eyes. 

He can’t move, can’t breathe - but he has to know she’s okay.

Peter tries to focus, the sounds all swirling around him until he hears - the soft heartbeat next to him. Peter feels the relief wash over him even as his own breathing starts to get haggard, opening his eyes to glance back towards the watch Tony had given him. 

His other arm is pinned, the watch no doubt mangled or crushed but Peter hopes that it’s alerted Tony anyway, glad for once in his life that Tony had never learned how to give him distance.

The thought of that - distance, a _ break _ \- reminds Peter of the argument, the panic seizing him again as he tried to remind himself that Michelle was still alive, terror flooding through him at the idea that she might not be for long.

“MJ,” Peter croaks out, wincing as he tries to stable his voice, “MJ, wake up. MJ--” Peter coughs, spitting out the blood in his mouth. He can still hear her heartbeat, but Peter needs her awake - even as his own unsteady grasp on consciousness starts to run away from him.

“MJ.” Peter whispers, feeling the darkness closing in. He knows that drifting off is a bad idea, the pain in his gut - in his chest - telling him that it was dangerous to allow himself the opportunity to fade away.

But the pain is unbearable, the pull to slip away too strong. 

Peter drifts off into unconsciousness, the last sound he hears is Michelle’s slowing heartbeat. 

* * *

When he wakes again, he hears a voice he recognizes, eyes fluttering at hearing the panic in it.

“Kid? Peter, you with me?” 

Opening his eyes is a monstrous effort, feeling just as painful as lifting a building - a metaphor Peter’s entirely too familiar with as he opens them, immediately locking eyes with Tony and the relief in them.

“That’s it, Pete come on. Keep your eyes open alright?” 

Peter starts to come back into himself, glancing to Michelle. She’s gone, Peter’s chest heaving as he turns back to Tony, eyes wide.

“Michelle’s okay, we got her out. We need to focus on you kid, okay?” Peter wheezes, shaking his head.

“MJ--”

“She’s okay, Pete. She’s okay. Listen to me, alright kid? You need to stay calm okay?” Peter can hear the tension in Tony’s voice, recognizing that it must be bad - that he has to be seriously hurt for Tony to be so eerily calm. 

Peter can only bring his head back, wheezing.

He can’t breathe. His mind going back to the hurt in Michelle’s eyes, the anger from earlier. 

Peter can hear Tony’s voice, receding into the background - noting the panic in it as he feels himself start to drift back into the darkness. 

Peter had to talk to her, apologize and explain. 

He would - to all of them. 

But the pain is so heavy on his chest, even Tony’s rough hand on his face and his frantic voice in the background can’t keep him awake. 

There’s pain in his gut that overwhelms him, a pull to let go. 

Peter lets his eyes close. 

And feels himself slip back into the dark.

* * *

“What happened? Is Peter okay?”

Tony doesn’t answer, causing Michelle’s stomach to drop. The silence between them feels deafening, doing nothing to assuage Michelle’s panic.

“Stark. What’s going on? Did—is Peter awake? 

Her head still hurt, blinking back both pain and tears as she tried to focus - seeing the hollow look in Tony’s eyes. 

The car had come out of nowhere, one moment Michelle seeing Peter’s panicked expression and in the next feeling like she’d been hit by a truck in the Compound’s medical bay - knowing from what Tony had told her that she had.

Her parents were on their way, freaked out as she knew they would be - already thinking that this would be the last time she’d get to borrow her dad’s car. But the silence between her and Tony scares her more, causing her heart rate to increase. 

“He’s… he’s still out of it, Jones. Lost consciousness in the car.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

Tony just stares at her, feeling the panic in her throat. After what feels like hours but couldn’t have been more than a minute, Tony finally speaks - words that make Michelle’s heart constrict - the finality and resignation in his tone sending a chill down her spine.

“I… I don’t know.”


End file.
